I recently became a member of the somethingawful forums and recently there was this thread (you may have to be a member to read it) which taught me something that I find weirdly disturbing. It turns out that some people actually stand up to wipe their ass. I find this highly disturbing and it really has shaken my faith in humanity.

I thought for sure that only really weird people on the internet are standers so I brought this up to my friend, Donkey boy and it turns out that he is a godless heathen who stands to wipe his ass. Serious, what the fuck is up with that?

Thankfully, there was a poll held at somethingawful and it was found that the majority of people are sitters and not standers which helped to restore my faith in humanity.

I did find out something even more disturbing. Not only are there people who stand up to wipe their ass, there are also people who reach between their legs to wipe. There were a couple of people who stood up as well as reached between their legs to wipe, I think those people are the antichrist.

On a lighter note, I highly recommend joining and reading the somethingawful forums. It costs ten bucks but it is really worth it. This tale of 4th grade masterbation gave me ten dollars worth of entertainment alone.

Well, I was bored this afternoon so I decided I was either going to go buy a cigar and smoke it or I was going to go to the movies. I figured I would check the movie schedule first and if there was something playing soon I would go to the movies otherwise I would go buy myself a cigar. It was 3:50 when I check and there was a showing of Snakes On A Plane at 4:15 so off to the movies I went.

It was bad, really bad. It was so bad at points that it was funny but for the most part it was just bad. The FX were second rate, the story was ludicrous as you can imagine, the acting, with the exception of Samuel Jackson, was subpar and it only got one good scare out of me.

After writing that maybe I am being a bit hard on it. It kept me entertained for a couple hours and I wasn’t really wishing it was over at any point during its 105 minute running length. It also had some boobies in it which is always a plus in my book. If you do go see it, turning off your brain before going into the theater wont quite be enough, you have to remove it completely from your head and leave it in your car.

One last thing, make sure you watch the absolutely hilariously bad music video that plays during the end credits, it really has to be seen to be believed.

We are changing offices at the end of the month. The nature of my job means that I get to deal with all the old crap that people want to get rid of. The picture really doesn’t do what you are seeing justice. There are 248 boxes in there that yours truely had to process, sticker and then physically move and stack in there. The boxes are three rows deep in some parts which you just can’t see in the picture. Work has been hell these last few weeks. I cannot wait till we are done moving.

I would like to accomplish the following things before I die. I’d also like to continually add things to this list as time goes on.

Build a trebuchet
Go 200 mph in a earth bound vehicle
skydive
In a car, go from 0-60 in 4.5 seconds or less
Jump a car
Go to Europe
See the pyramids
Go to the louvre
Go to every state in the USA
Learn to play an instrument
Be in a movie no matter what size role
Build a spud gun
Learn how to scuba dive
Scuba dive with a whale
Scuba dive with a great white shark
See the space shuttle launch
See a TV show be filmed
Get high in Amsterdam
Go to Times Square for new years
Go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans
Go into outer space
Drive on the Autobahn
Ride in a hot air balloon
See a lion in the wild
Ride on a train for 2 days (or at least spend the night)
See a tornado
Grow a beard
See Michelangelo’s David
See the Northern Lights
Go on an Alaskan Cruise
Restore a car or build a kit car
Get in shape
Spend the night on a boat
Drive a right side drive car
Buy a house
Join the mile high club
learn how to ride a motorcycle
Go parasailing
Write a screenplay
Do a j-turn in a car
Completely shave my head
Master at least one kickass magic trick
Learn how to make fire
Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower
Learn how to run up to a wall and do a flip off of it
Become a competent photographer
Watch all three Lord of the Rings extended editions back to back
Watch all 6 star wars films back to back
Go to the Mystery Spot
Learn to shoot a handgun
Get another Tattoo
Go to Japan
Go deep sea fishing
Get a stormtrooper outfit
Drive a Viper
Go to a car race (Indy/Nascar/etc.)
Drive the nurburgring
Get enough helium balloons to float
Learn how to silk screen
Go horse back riding
See the Taj Mahal
Go white water rafting
Ride a camel in a country where people ride camels
Ask someone to marry me
Kick, or otherwise, knock in a door

On Saturday I went to go see Scoop. I happen to be a fan of Woody Allen’s comedy and this movie was a good bit of fun. It’s definitely not one of the best movies of the year or anything like that but I found myself giggling through a good portion of it. Scoop stars Scarlett Johansson, Hugh Jackman, Woody Allen and Ian McShane. Once I heard that Ian McShane was in the movie I was excited to see it. Ian is absolutely the best thing about HBO’s excellent Deadwood series, this man just has such a presence it’s hard to take your eyes off him when he is on the screen. Unfortunately he is vastly under used in the movie, his screen time is probably under 10 minutes total, probably closer to 5 actually. Scarlett is quite good in her role and her and Woody make a good comedy pair. Hugh Jackman is fine in his role, nothing real special or bad about his performance. Woody is hilarious playing the role that he always does, the insufferable neurotic.

If you want to go see something lighthearted and funny I would recommend Scoop, but only after you see one of the best pictures of the year: Little Miss Sunshine.

P.S. Scarlett Johansson in bathing suit, yummy.

On Sunday I went to go see Little Miss Sunshine which just happens to be one of the funniest and quite possibly the best movie I have seen this year. Little Miss Sunshine tells the story of a dysfunctional family on a road trip to attend a beauty pageant that the little girl is competing in. Little Miss Sunshine stars Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Steve Carell and Alan Arkin. I don’t really want to tell you much about this movie because you should just go see it for yourself and bask in its awesomeness. I laughed so hard at points that my side was hurting and at one point came close to crying because it was so touching (if you see it, I bet you can pick out which seen I am referring to). Do yourself a favor, just go see it.

Music plays a very important part in my life and has for a very long time. I have many memories associated with specific songs and albums and there are certain albums that are very important to me in a variety of ways. This post will be the first of many where I will share with you some of my favorite music and tell you why the album is significant to me.

On to the first album…

Violent Femmes – Violent Femmes

Besides Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” I have probably been listening to this album longer than any other album that I still listen to today on a regular basis. The album was released in 1983 when I was the ripe old age of nine. My older brother played water polo in high school and the Violent Femmes debut album was adopted as the water polo teams album, I guess they would listen to it on the bus on the way to games and in the locker room. I can still remember the first time I heard the album. I was hanging out in my brothers room with my brother, which wasn’t exactly a common occurrence, and he played it for me. I will admit that part of the appeal to my nine year old self was that they swore and the guy had a sorta funny voice but I genuinely did like it. The fact that my brother was sharing it with me I am sure upped the appeal of the album as well.

I have quite a few fond memories of this album. I have a very vivid memory of driving home from college and getting stuck in traffic in LA and having “Kiss Off” come on the radio. For those three minutes I really didn’t care that I was sitting in smog infested LA with a good six hours more driving I had to do to get me home. Another good memory happened shortly after moving into the dorms. I was sitting in my room doing something boring but I had the door to my room open and threw this album on, shortly after it was on two of the cutest girls in my dorm came hurrying into my room saying how much they loved this song and danced for a bit. Me being the total wimp that I am of course didn’t try to capitalize on the situation but I remember it like it was yesterday. In the summer I will often just take my car out for a drive with no particular destination in mine, this album has accompanied on many of those journeys, it makes great driving music. It also always makes me think of Northbrook, Illinois which is where I lived at the time I first heard this album. It makes me think of the old neighborhood, Brendan and Bridgette who lived across the street, playing german spy, riding my BMX bike, and hanging out in the giant forest that surrounded our neighborhood.

I also got to grow up with this album. Songs took on a whole new meanings once I got a bit older and had the whole teen angst thing going on. Songs that I had known all the lyrics to for years I was suddenly seeing an all new way. Lyrics like

Y’know that I want your loving
but my logic tells me that it aint never gonna happen
and then my defense’d say I did’t want it anyway
but you know sometimes I’m a lier

just don’t have the same kind of impact on a nine year old as they do on a hormonal 16 year old boy with a crush on a girl.

The Violent Femmes really crafted a special album with this debut. To me, every song on this album is excellent, there is no filler. This is one of those albums where I will never complain when someone puts it on and if I am ever flipping through the radio station and come across one of these tracks I will turn it up and get a big smile on my face.